Rick Hulett: Blog

After playing a cool gig on pedal steel with Barlow Road yesterday afternoon, Sharon and I went out to Relay for Life. If you don't know what it is, it's a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. You can make a donation and get a paper bag. You write the name of a a cancer survivor or someone that didn't make it on the bag and put a little light inside. The bags are placed in a circle around a track and people walk and walk, getting donations for how far they walk. I had a vague uneasiness about going and I didn't know why. After we got our bags and placed them on the track we began to walk. The bags created a beautiful golden light and it was an incredible scene but I began to feel more and more uncomfortable. On the second lap, the full realization of the meaning of the bags hit me and I burst into uncontrollable sobbing and tears. The pain and sorrow represented by the bags was just too much for me. After a few laps my sobbing subsided to the point that I could talk and I began to get angry. Angry at God or the creator or the flying spaghetti monster or whatever the hell it is that made us and this world. If you set out to create a world why would you create such pain, suffering, agony, despair, hatred, greed, etc? What purpose does it serve? If I were in charge I wouldn't do this. It just seems stupid. I want an answer. Do you hear me God? I want a fucking answer! Are you just an asshole, toying with us or is there a purpose for this? An explanation is not too much to ask for so let's have it. Now, damn it.

I can't say that I got an answer, but as we walked I began to see each glowing bag as two sides of the same thing. On the one hand they represent pain, suffering, and sorrow, but on the other hand they also represent hope. Hope that the pain will somehow cease. Hope that there is an explanation for all of this, that it may someday make sense. It may be that that little bit of hope is all we have to hang on to. But I still want an answer. You listening?